Reality Check

Is it okay to love someone without ever actually going out with them? I first saw him when I was 15 at my sister's friends graduation party. Ever since them I can't stop thinking about him. I wonder is this just a case of not having what I want or is it something deeper and more meaningful?

Checking In

So what is new? Nothing much. I have a job and a new place to live and in about 6 months will have another new place to live, but with people I actually want to live with. I am finally within a talking distance to the guy I like, but who will never know I exist, unless... I have to do something about it. I think I might just get up on the stage and yell it across to the whole audience and then he has to do something right? I just hope it will be good. I am really trying to be good but sometimes it is just really hard. I just hope that people accept me for what I am right now and not for who I was back then. I know life kind of sucks right now but I am trying to make it right and I hope that my friends will stick with me in the meantime. Loves,

today....

my grandpa died.......

you want to tell me the point to life now!?

If you would have talked to me last week, even two days ago, how I felt, I would have told you everything was great. Then my family and me started having "talks." Apparently I have to change and then everyone else will change. I did that once and you know what that is why I am the way I am. That is why I have these scars. I don't want to go back to the way things were and I will never go back. But the thing is that I care too much about certain things and people to cut myself off completely so I am torn. Do I go back to being nice for everyone else's sake and kill myself slowly? Or do I stay the way I am, and hurt the ones I care about? I have no clue.

HI

I know I haven't been on in a while but a lot has been going on. Life sucks as we know it. I have had to get rid of two friends already because they weren't good for me. Next I might have to say goodbye to a whole lot more people. I need to leave soon and when I do pretty much no one will no where I went except maybe one person and that is because they need to know. If anybody is ready this then don't bother calling or trying to get a hold of me because I won't answer. Sorry that is just the way it has to be now. Love everyone and I hope your life is the best. Bye

Hello, so anyway I really don't know what I am going to be doing from now on. I know I have to get a job but I also have to leave soon. I am just waiting for Jacky's graduation and party to be over but then I am going to leave and go somewhere else. I am not sure where exactly but when I know everyone else will know . Nothing is keeping me here except for Jedediah and I can still keep in touch with him. Everything is so much easier these days and me leaving will be better for everyone else also. So my mind is made up and that is that.

StillSearching StillWaiting

Weekend

So I had my last final. Yay!right. nope. I still have saturday then i have to get a job and get out. I have to say goodbye to some of my friends. These kids really have never done anything wrong but they have. I knew this day would come but I didn't think it would be this soon. I hate them for this but at the same time if they ever need anything I would be there for them in a heartbeat. I have to tell them goodbye for one last final time. This time it is for real and it really sucks because no matter what happens saturday they can't be in my life any more. I have to quit living this way. THIS SUCKS!!!!!