today....

my grandpa died.......

you want to tell me the point to life now!?

If you would have talked to me last week, even two days ago, how I felt, I would have told you everything was great. Then my family and me started having "talks." Apparently I have to change and then everyone else will change. I did that once and you know what that is why I am the way I am. That is why I have these scars. I don't want to go back to the way things were and I will never go back. But the thing is that I care too much about certain things and people to cut myself off completely so I am torn. Do I go back to being nice for everyone else's sake and kill myself slowly? Or do I stay the way I am, and hurt the ones I care about? I have no clue.

HI

I know I haven't been on in a while but a lot has been going on. Life sucks as we know it. I have had to get rid of two friends already because they weren't good for me. Next I might have to say goodbye to a whole lot more people. I need to leave soon and when I do pretty much no one will no where I went except maybe one person and that is because they need to know. If anybody is ready this then don't bother calling or trying to get a hold of me because I won't answer. Sorry that is just the way it has to be now. Love everyone and I hope your life is the best. Bye

Hello, so anyway I really don't know what I am going to be doing from now on. I know I have to get a job but I also have to leave soon. I am just waiting for Jacky's graduation and party to be over but then I am going to leave and go somewhere else. I am not sure where exactly but when I know everyone else will know . Nothing is keeping me here except for Jedediah and I can still keep in touch with him. Everything is so much easier these days and me leaving will be better for everyone else also. So my mind is made up and that is that.

StillSearching StillWaiting

Weekend

So I had my last final. Yay!right. nope. I still have saturday then i have to get a job and get out. I have to say goodbye to some of my friends. These kids really have never done anything wrong but they have. I knew this day would come but I didn't think it would be this soon. I hate them for this but at the same time if they ever need anything I would be there for them in a heartbeat. I have to tell them goodbye for one last final time. This time it is for real and it really sucks because no matter what happens saturday they can't be in my life any more. I have to quit living this way. THIS SUCKS!!!!!

Finals

I feel happy today, which is weird for me. So I have two more finals and then i am free all friday. After that I am busy all day saturday. PROM! I think I will have fun. Dancing YAY! I love to dance, which sucks in my group of friends because they never want to go out dancing.
Nothing big has happen lately. I came off the medicine and have to go back to the doctor to get more or have more test run. YAY! NOT!!!!! Just wanted to update byes

So....

I have been writing these poems, but I am not going to post them at least not yet. They are kind of depressing. Not kind of, they are depressing. Anyways, I am going to prom this year, even though I have been out of high school for two years. But I am going, because I got asked and I think it will be fun. My little sister and her and my friends and then the after party it will be really fun. I think I will have more fun because I really don't know anyone except my friends. So, I will be myself.

Loves

Hellos!!

So I was going to write a poem up here but it is kind of depressing. But, HEY, guess what that is life. I was doing great then BOOM! I found out someone that I know is doing something wrong. This is the second time this year. The first one I was really pissed off at because he made a commitment, this guy I really don't know that much but I still know him. Why are guys so stupid? Who really knows? And this guy acts like he doesn't care that he is like hurting everyone he knows. STUPID!

Why?

Man I really hate feelings. Do you know why? Because most of the time the person you have those feelings doesn't have those feelings back. You then look like a complete idiot. Not the best thing for the first person or really the second person. I think it is easy to say it sucks. I really need to just get over him. But how do you get over someone who you have liked for years. And people who know me personally and reading this no it is not that guy but the other one i could actually have. I am just scared to talk to him. How sad is that I can go climb rocks and (little) mountains. Do other scary things but I can't go talk to him. How stupid and pathetic. hehe

So there is this thing I am supposed to for my mass communication class. But I don't know if I will do it or not. Should I show 60 people I don't know my life?

Mood: Weird

So guess what: I have two blogs on here one is for all my old stuff on my website that I have and anyway they tagged it or whatever because they thought I was a computer I guess. Stupid, isn't it? I was say this quote okay. It may not be word for word buy it is from the Phoenix. It goes like this: All a man needs in his life is a women to love, if you can't give him that then give him something to hope for, and if you can't give him that then it at least give him something to do. I think it is pretty accurate for life. Don't you?

Getting Better

I'd like to tell you it gets easier, but I can't because it really doesn't. It is more like you get used to the pain. You get to where all the pain runs into each other. Every once in a while you get a sharp piercing pain just to keep you on your toes. It tells you hello you can't escape me. i am here and I am not going away.
The sad thing is that you don't remember what it was like to be able to just go out and have fun like the other kids your age did. You are constantly told nope not today, your not well enough. You get tired of not being able to pick up the little boy you love so much that you would die a hundred times over just to have him. It's sad when he has to ask are you sick today or can you pick me up and play with me? No three year old should have to ask a sixteen year old that question. But life isn't fair and you get used to it.

Hey people, how is everything going? Haven't been on in awhile because of my stupid accident. But guess what after a week and a half I now only have some pink around my eye instead of the whole black eye thing. It sucked. You go out and everyone then stares at you like oh my god!! she got hit. It didn't help matters that I proudly showed it or even that I would walk around with my friends, mostly guys, and not care who saw it. It was like a guessing game for strangers: Which guy did it? I thought it was funny at the beginning then it just began to be tiresome, especially when stupid snotty old ladies can't keep there mind on their own business.
Anyways, hopefully I can write more this week and I do have interesting topics to tell about.

Loves

Hellos!

Okay so I haven't written in a couple of days but I have a good excuse. I was in in an accident. I decided to eat the pavement and I mean hard. I have a huge bruised forehead and whole left side of my body. But the prettiest thing is the black eye. Have you ever gone down the street and you knew people were trying not to look at you? Yeah, it is not fun is it. I hate it but I just put on a big grin and go with it because hey what else can I do. I am not going to hide it, because then that would be like admitting that I did something wrong and I didn't. Anyways I gotta go. My spring vacation started the same day that I ate the pavement. Great way to start. Loves and byes.

Thought

"The only things in life you really need are true friends."

Death

Today's topic of choice is death. Why is it so hard for some to get over but for others they go through the grief for years? I don't think it has anything to do with how close to the person you are, but how you deal with things in your life. Some people close up and decide it didn't happen and no matter what you say they will keep on believing. Then, others know it happen and don't know how to deal with it and may go crazy. Then, there are the ones who deal with it perfectly. You know the ones I am talking about. The ones who cry, then like a month later their lives are perfectly contained in their little boxes. I don't know whose way of dealing with it is better. You tell me.

Hello...Goodbye!

So, hello. Warning to everyone before you read this: You may not like what it has to say and it may say bad stuff about you and your kind.

So I did warn you. I am writing this because I want to not because I have to or because you say so. Okay so my day was pretty boring. For once, I didn't have to go to school becuase they actually cancelled it. Yay! Just means my quizes and tests are Thursday. How stupid... Right now I am sitting in a dark room with the only light coming from the computer. Pathetic. There is the movie The Perfect Man in the living room and Biggest Loser in the kitchen. Do we really need this many televisions? Answer: no! It snowed a lot today and roads where shut down and I really should have gone to Kevin's because then I could have done all the stupid little kids things I love to do even at 19. He lives on this long windy hill and we could have gone sledding. I haven't done that in like years. I miss being a kid, actually I never really was a kid. But that is for a different time.

So I think I may get off for now but I really am going to get on this later and tell everyone about my boring life and everything I hate or love. It may be more hating than loving but hey that is life. Learn to love dandelions!

Goodbyes!